Kick Ass Boss.

3 ish working days left. Then the Major gets back and I can start my drawdown...
I extended for about 20 days to make sure my boss wasn't left stranded while the Major went to a course out of country.
Its been great overall. I've been the Military Assistant (MA) for the General for almost a month and the experience is one I will not soon forget.

How to be a Kick Ass Army Genera, how to be the MA for a Kick Ass Generall:
1) Communicate clearly. If you need or want something say it and give all the information you may have on it
Following bread crumbs is something MAs do all day and must learn to do well. Get a Rolodex or a notebook and write EVERYONE's contact info in it

2) Chocolate motivates. Throwing snickers around the office everyone in a while is a good motivational kicker. Everyone likes Chocolate and working late isn't so bad with Snickers.

3) Be Human... laughing and joking around is important... daily mouse trap checks and sport team bantering is helpful.

4) Do your job... not everyone else's. Some of the best things i heard from my boss, "the calendar is your job, i won't mess with it". (YOU ROCK!) "Set up a meeting with XXXX i need to discuss (Uber Secret topics) and I need to tell them to stop throwing shit over the fence to us", "NO we're not touching (Uber Secret Planning Job) thats THEIR job, we're already doing enough of their work"

5) Sing Along... I like Classical Rock. Feel free to sing along to the music in the truck, or sleep... thats cool too.

6) Get Good Chow... "schedule the meeting (at a base with great food) after lunch, we can go over early and eat their food"

7) "Who do you work for" , "you sir", "Thats right" (Saving someone from having to do work for another department when unneeded)

8) We are in Afghanistan. Understanding that "shit happens", trucks break, traffic sucks, the weather is against us, and bad guys have guns. Take risk, when needed.

9) Great Expectation. Expect great things from me, I'll get it done.

All the Bosses i have had during my deployment, General Officer or not have been pretty kick ass. Cheers Bosses! I'll have a beer for you!

Reader

I have never been a big reader. Julia and, certainly my English Lit major older sister (Master's actually), Meredyth are the readers. Dad and my sisters will have long discussions of, say, the literary contributions, the writing style and ease of read, the impact said book had on them, the impact on the world by said book, will be discussed... this is the best way to shut me up as I have no relevant or working knowledge of any such topics along the lines of Literature... and so I quickly listen and then bore.

recently my Canadian SGM (senior enlisted in Canadian Army) told me about STANZA for iPod Touch. my eyes widened as i held onto a 5lb hardcover copy of "The Assassins" by Joyce Carol Oates (i use the full title and author so i beat the name and author in my head, in an attempt to quote my triumphant Literary read, later in life)

Stanza eh?? Free App you say?? Free books eh? Classics as well no doubt... i don't have to drop almost $200 to fit in with the eBooks crowd! I could get used to this. no more forgetting my book somewhere or not bringing it b/c its too heavy (JOYCE Carol Oates !) i'm in!!

so i downloaded Stanza and researched on how to upload and download books... and browsed eShelf after eShelf... I now have a collection of

Classics and other "i like the sounds of that author's name...i'll get it" books. as well as a few "great excerpt, i'll get it" books... and don't for get the "I've heard of that" books..

yes I have even begun reading. "Alice in Wonderland by (let me check)

Lewis Carroll" unabridged i might add.

The way he adds in and portrays her quirky thoughts and talking to herself... its a page turner, or should i say an "iPod tapper" since of course there are no pages to turn...

Dear Stanza,

you may in fact make a read out of me.

Literarily,

Wendy

Whats on your eBookshelf?

The Case Against Wagner was one Nietzsche's last books, and his wittiest. (the "wittiest" comment got me, its on my shelf)

Gentleman Burglar--how can i resist?

Meredyth and Julia have spoken of Madame Bovary -- guess its my turn now. hopefully they spoke of it highly, haha i don't remember. well i can't sit around here typing all day i've got to get back to the authors.

Please let me know of any great reads i need to include!

if you have an iPad or iPhone or iPod Touch check out STANZA, you can find it by a quick iTunes Store search or browse. (don't forget its FREE)

then try FictionWise.com and EPUBBooks.com ("ePub" is the format of eBooks for the Stanza)

Happy reading -- thats my self-motivation. i'm off to read now!

Transformation

I have been away in relation to this deployment for over a year.

and what i miss the most is sitting around a table, across from a sister or friend or other family member eating and laughing. I am one of the most social, outgoing and talkative people i have ever come across... this deployment has changed that.

I have very noticeably become a loner while i've been deployed. I have mastered the "loner" persona and personality. I rely on few others, if anyone, to entertain myself and make me laugh or smile. i eat alone, I hang out on my bed in my room with 5+ other roommates, but i am truly alone, completely alone on my bed, in my world.

I don't talk to new people, i avoid new conversations or smiles with strangers or simple hellos with people I don't know and I very much live a loner's life.

Chow hall:

• sunglasses, dark reflective sunglasses are to be worn in the chow hall so people cannot mistakenly or purposefully make eye contact
• sit alone and do not look around at others, even through sunglasses this can be a loner's downfall
• no smile, no expression, no kind "nods"
• strategic walking- never come to a stopping point where you and another must decide who continues first...this inevitably causes, "excuse me"'s or other small phrases which people will try to force into a conversation
• head up, eyes straight, no smiling, walk with a purpose to a determined location, no lingering
• get in, get your food and get out... don't linger, you never know what NATO countrymen will interpret "lingering" as... it could cause conversation.

Barracks:

• never, never, never stop or slow your stride. These are tighter quarters in which people see you regularly and they may feel it is the right time to chat, comment, say "HI"
• eyes forward, no eye contact, no smiling
• never in any way wear anything that will bring attention or causes remarks. this includes looking nice and/or bad. master invisibility.
• don't hang around. if you are sitting at a table someone will talk to you, don't let this happen
• your room is the only place were a smile or conversation can be struck up or relinquished
• when movies, cards, video games in the common room are being played keep a straight face and walk through, no expression, no involvement or emotion to the activity.

Work:

• this is where conversation, interaction and everyday "good morning"s can be shared
• this is your sanctuary... where others are partaking in your same or similar activity, where interaction is not seen as an invitation to friendship-instead it is a working environment where working relationships are made and accepted

i did not accept my transition into LONER very well. i fought it. i fought hard but it was a silent fight...not one i could share because LONER was/is the safest place for me here in Afghanistan. (don't get me wrong, i don't run alone at night around a dark military base exposing myself to dangers)

I am very very good at creating friendships. This is helpful in a work place or when I need something accomplished related to work but it is not safe with peers... peers see this as an
...invitation to get closer?? a friendly deployed female instantly sets herself up for the wrong image or impression on others. this is a mistake i will not let myself fall into.

I miss normal life. i miss friendliness and conversation and laughter and relaxed environments where the air is filled with chatter. I miss being an adult. I am the youngest in my working environment by 15 years easily... I miss being with peers and being seen as a relavent contributor. I miss making my own decisions and proceeding without someone else's approval or knowledge or signature. I miss being Wendy.

I am not a loner, but i have adapted for my current situation and I am curious as to how my transformation will effect my future, my future back in society. the society, in which, i belong in.

Ballot Escort

I was asked to assist with Election Ballot escorting. Something I had volunteered for and very much wanted to take part in but had not, until last night, been offered the opportunity to participate in. a Marine friend of mine, CPL Yu, stopped by and asked if I would be the second escort, he being one as well. SURE!!!!! Where to? Jalalabad and Manas. Manas is NOT in Afghanistan so I was a little skeptical about that location. Are you sure its Manas?
“I don’t know, that’s what they said”
“uh hu, ok I’m in!!”


he said we’d rendezvous in the morning and go from there… flight would be soon there after. We would be escorting an Afghan Election worker and the ballots. Neither could leave our sight until properly released.

I opted for my full kit, instead of a lighter ammo-free equipment set… I thought I’m going to more remote, less secure areas… I’ll bring the ammo and equipment! I even got more equipment to be hooah (AKA safer and more responsible, i'm being safe, i promise Julia).

We meet up with our Afghan Election worker and begin our wait. We waited on the flight line…

watching aircraft come in and fly out is better than watching the walls in an A/C’d room.
We waited… then we got word the plane was delayed…
We waited…the plane would be another hour and a half
We waited… talked about how much we loved the Air Force and how reliable they were and how much we owed them for all this waiting

Its Ramazan in Afghanistan (also referred to as Ramadan) a month of fasting…which leaves our poor Afghan Election worker in the smoldering heat, starving all day.
No food or water when the sun is in the sky. Marine and I scarfed down food away from the Election worker as not to be rude. No food for this girl and you will be carrying my withered body around.


Here come the pallets of ballots which have been securely locked away until now. Pallet after Pallet was loaded onto the plane. So many pallets in fact that the crew had to take out the bench seating in the plane to fit everything…

I was invited to the cockpit since I am the camera girl… ahhh the luxuries in life that my camera brings me!!

off we fly to Jalalabad… an easy 20 minute flight.

A hour later we still circling because the flight controller either forgot about us or has no idea how to manage flights coming in… dizziness… we planned on buying some famous J-bad terminal bread! Cinnamon bread from Jalalabad, anyone??
Land in J-bad, FINALLY.
I never really put any thought into standing behind a huge aircraft… luckily I did not need to think, I merely came to the conclusion instantaneously once I stepped out of the aircraft it is one of the hottest places on earth!!! Never been hotter in my life.

Off come the Pallets… J-bad is one of the largest cities/districts in eastern Afghanistan. Like I mentioned before, a lot of pallets!
We were only on the ground maybe 12 minutes to get the pallets off and take off again.

No bread for us.
Stupid air traffic controller and her non-air traffic management killed our timeline. Back to Kabul for us.

More pallets… well not many. We were headed North West next.
Next stop, it was in fact NOT Manas, but Maimanah, a smaller but not insignificant part of North Western Afghanistan. It was a longer flight in which I slept this time. Less pallets, more room. longer flight... time to sleep.

it is a sandy dune area.
beautiful…but sandy with rolling sandy mountain/hills.
Off came the pallets, papers were signed
and we were wings up headed home.

The crew was great they were a hodge podge group from around the states, pilots were on their last mission before they were done with their tour, the crew had been on ground for 6 weeks and has about 6 more months to go.



CPL Yu and I had the opportunity to fly across Afghanistan delivering Election ballots for this
upcoming election. A safer, less corrupt government who will work for the people. This is the goal we are assisting Afghans with. Empowering them to have a better government run but Afghans, for Afghans.

10 minute stow away trip

The Commanding General's Military assistant is great! She stopped by our office one night and I was able to put a bug in her ear that I'd love to stow away on one of the bosses trips.

"I'll see what I can do, I can't make any promises though"

"Roger Ma'am, if it works out that will be awesome, if not I completely understand"

Friday afternoon my boss told me the General's MA wanted to see me, "they have room on the bird". (i.e. I GET TO GO ON A TRIP)

i joyfully made my way to see the wonderful Colonel. She told the Aides to put me on the manifest.

"Byrd worked for Col Creighton for a year and it would be great to let her get out, especially to see COL C" -MA

"BYRD!! What are you doing? Get in here, eat some food!" -LTG Rodriguez offering me some of his huge snack stash.

They put me on the manifest and Saturday morning I was up and ready to go.

Right away there was trouble. comments like

"I have been trying to get ahold of anyone I could" -Pilot

"Air Strike"

"Who have you talked to?" -Aide

The most important piece of equipment a General's Aid has is his contact list. The phone calls began... there were secret conversations, people standing and talking away from the crowd...

all the signs of worry were out. wrinkled eyebrows and low phone calls and walking quickly in and out of doors...

So we sat around and waited for the worst. and laughed at mangled planes from the 40s headed to the runway.

"Only running on 3 engines, that must be reassuring for the passengers"

"you think it flies or just drives up and down the run way?"

Then the Aide ran by...that means trouble, and he was RUNNING!

"ok everybody, here's the deal....wait a minute", aide (walks away) (comes back) Here's whats going on....

the bottom line is everybody is scratched"

relief among the group...ok well...oh well.

better luck for us next time.

Pride.

...I don't really own anything here in Kabul

My schedule=General's Schedule
My work hours= IJC hours
My roommates=assigned
My clothes=issued
My free time= sleep

the only thing I have in Afghanistan is my truck and my weapon. so I take pride in what I have and as far as my truck goes she sparkles. Well, she stays clean. as clean as possible here. I have purchased cleaning supplies (Purchased, as in my money, mind you)
So whenever I have a chance...its cleaning time.
Clean water is a commodity and a luxury I do no have on my post. So I must travel for clean water. Traveling requires that my schedule takes me there... luckily the boss has meetings at clean water locations! So here I am with my "sit and wait" hour. Cleaning my LandCruiser :)

I think its therapeutic. Having something that is mine, my responsibility, something to show off.

She gets a sudsy wash and I by now I have it down.

Ok no i don't. I pretty much make a mess of myself and get the truck clean but the end result is a clean truck.

Afghans don't ride around in filthy vehicles, their vehicle is a huge investment and they keep their vehicles clean and running. So a dirty vehicle sticks out on the streets and that is not what I want when my vehicle is protection for myself and others.  My vehicle is already a foreign object on the streets, a foreign object that is not necessarily welcome by everyone so I must do my best to help it blend in and not become a target.  So here is to sparkling clean and safe trucks!

Cheers

By the end she looks amazing

My Pride in Afghanistan.

Family dinner in Kabul

got back from mission... myself and the MA (General's aide) and some others from my office had planned on going to a US post for dinner. for steak more importantly.

I got back from mission and apparently the sky was falling because the MA was calling everyone and running around pushing people into meetings and whipping powerpoints into action. I had a hunch Steak dinner was out of my schedule now.
My great counterpart, Canadian Sergeant Major, who is also a driver for a General was waiting by his truck.
"SGM, where are you headed?"

"Pheonix, L2 is going to see his sister-in-law for dinner"

(Pheonix=STEAK DINNER)
"NO WAY!!! CAN I COME?"

"Ask the boss, i'm sure he'll let you"

-Text to General L2- 'sir, do you need a photographer to come with you?'
L2 walks up, "Sir, can i come?"

"you want to? sure hop in"

and away we go. discussion about Badr Day, every year on this anniversary Kabul sees some kind of attack...silence... driving... more talk of the everyday drudge and what gossip is going around the office and such...

we pull into the post and the General announces he will be the ground guide (someone has to walk infront of the vehicle to ensure speed control)

"sir, I'll do it"

"Nah, i've got it"

"I'm going to be fast"

"i'm going to be fast too"

"I got it"

"We'll both do it"

the General and his aide fight over the ground guiding job. nobody ever wants to ground guide... it sucks. you have to walk almost the whole length of the base... it sucks. so the General and his Canadian Aid ran it together. I opened my door, stood up hanging out the door and took pictures of them.

We met up with the General's sister-in-law, a beautiful and nice mother of two.she just arrived for her one year deployment.

steak was on the menu... so we dove in. They talked about family and how everyone was, how recent holidays were and they joked about how the Army has kept their immediate families sane... they talked of old commanders and where everyone is now.

pictures were gushed over and laughs went around and around.

if steak wasn't the best part of the meal there is always ice cream!

oooh wonderful US bases that fatten and gorge thier soldiers. oh how I love you. once a week that is. no more.

Yum. I grabbed tons of V8, my meal substitute when i'm hungry on mission and well of course a few pop-tarts. we headed out, back to the truck as the night began to slow and come to a close.

there was laughter and loud voices outside the chow hall. we walk right into a cinema.

Its MOVIE NIGHT! WTF? they have movies playing where the soldiers hangout and watch comedy and movies and have free time. FREE TIME! IJC why do we have no MOVIE NIGHT?! MORALE where have you gone??

The boss grabbed popcorn and ate in awe, laughing and smiling at the 'Joes' sitting around having a good time.

Kabul saw no attack on the anniversary of Battle of Badr.

very cool.

Night mission to nowhere

I was asked to drive to a Afghan restaurant in Kabul. Somewhere I've never been. All eating with Afghans is done after dark since it is Ramadan. Apparently the time of night when you are allowed to eat is "when you can't tell the difference between a white thread and a black thread... so pretty freakin late at night. usually only between 9pm and 3am.So off we go to this restaurant in the middle of nowhere Kabul.... fun thing is we get to wear civilian clothes instead of military, doesn't make much of adifference since we're still wearing our gear,but it makes for fun pictures. the drive is great because little markets and shopping centers pop up out of everwhere... you turn down a new street and all of a sudden you're in the middle of a street market. and of course bad traffic.

we get there..drop off the civilians then head to a near by base to hang out and park the vehicles since the restaurant is not in a secure location.

Dinner is closed .... so the cooks bring out what is left over... corn on the cob.

Corn on the cob and pop tarts, for dinner. oh and cake and all the drinks you want.

off to the MWR (Morale, Welfare and Recreation) for movies and hanging out.

off to the restaurant again to pick up the passengers...

along the way we are met by "street urchins" little kids who roam the streets for money, washing your windows with filthy rags. they hang on for almost a full block standing on the step rails...

luckily we get up to about 10kph (6-7 mph) before we slow again and they jump off.

Its hard to see these kids everyday and know there is not much more in the world for them. the possibilities are few and the obstacles are nothing short of impossible. some make a life for themselves and the stories are amazing of how they not only survive but go on to lead fulfilling and purposeful lives.

back at the restaurant we pose for ridiculous pictures and wait around for the passengers.

another night mission in the bag.

after the mission is Gatorade and NearBeer at the Nordic bar... PSD guy plays guitar someone

sings... we all mingle and call it a night.

Flat Tire Fiasco

647am woke up. My day was already full since I had plenty of calls yesterday while I was in bed. I knew today had to be dealt with early.

703am went to my truck to get out my gear... my truck was going to be used by someone else since i'm sick. a pink note was flapping on my windshield...

FLAT TIRE REAR D/S

my sick day was getting worse.
735am dressed, drove to mechanic and dropped off my vehicle.

747am "i have a flat, i'll be back at 8" I headed to breakfast to wait for the garage to open at 8.

804 back from breakfast, in the

garage manager's office

W: i have a flat tire

Mechanic: do you have a cranklift?

W: um, kinda.

Mechanic: well you might want to get on changing that now won't you?

W: no, my lift won't lift or hold my up-armored vehicle. Plus the spare is broken.

Mechanic: (laughing) alright mate, bring it into the mid bay.

(i think i would have shot him if that joke had continued much longer, I also mentioned to him that I had mission at 10am. OK mission was at 1045, but I wasn't going to push it)

812: two guys are taking off the flat. I decide I will include the "flat fix" part of my day in my blog... why not, it could be interesting.

815am: three guys are trying to lift my truck take off the spare and the flat.

820am: four guys are trying to take off the spare

835am: five guys are standing around as my spare still will not come off.

Garage Mgr: "this 
is what you meant when you said broken, mate?"

I knew 6 weeks ago the spare wouldn't come off. THESE SAME MECHANICS TOLD ME IT WAS BROKEN WHEN THEY INSPECTED THE TRUCK.

W: "yep"

847am: Five guys are working on getting the spare off, three guys are watching.

Their workmanship reminds me of 6 years old playing soccer... one kicks the ball and all the boys run after the ball regardless of the direction or purpose. Every time the ball moves so does the cluster of 6 year olds. Magnet ball. Magnet Mechanics.

915am: Full size spare comes off. filthy. Well I guess filthy was to be expected. It has scraped every speed bump in Kabul for the last 7 weeks... I told them it probably needed to be washed and checked before put on. I figured every speed bump and hole in Kabul had taken a pretty hard toll on it, and i didn't expect it to hold air.

918am: spare washed and rolled back... bad plug is found in the spare. its not holding air.

920am: PLAN B: Original flat is put on a machine in order to successfully plug it from the inside.

930am: Original flat is plugged. The plug is checked... it isn't holding air. the hole is too big for the plug. FML.

937am: Spare is put on the machine to try and de-plug then re-plug its hole. The Manager asks one mechanic to check the warehouse for another tire same size as mine. He mentions to me that is is a very RARE and atypical size. ...of course its rare and atypical... because my day couldn't get any better... not to mention it is a RUN FLAT. (RUN FLATs are equipped to allow the tire to support the vehicle even after a puncture, they're very expensive and make changing out a tire more difficult)

939am: guys are standing around... I ask the head mechanic what is going on with the tires. "Everything is good ma'am, we have two tires exactly the right size. 2 are coming ma'am".

WOW! wonderful! AMAZING! KBR pulls through!

945am: The manager offers to show me two recently attacked vehicles while we wait for the 2 good tires to be put on. Rocks were thrown at the trucks, windows impaired but no injuries or major damage. mostly annoying and keeps people on their toes.

950am A mechanic tells me they don't have any of my tires... none are coming. they have to replace all 4 tires. I'm stunned. the Manager comes over and confirms, "it will be a long job"

W: "I need to be out by 10am"

Manager: "not possible"

W: " 1015?"

Manager: " it will take about 2 hours"

W: (blank exasperated expression)

Phone calls start. I'm sweating.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Finally an answer and possible help.

1008 Manager comes and relooks at the original flat. decides to replug it with a bigger plug, possibly a patch over a plug.

"i guess this is PLAN C, mate"

you think of this NOW?! how about a bigger plug QUICKLY!

MA calls me back. she couldn't answer since she was in a meeting... "no worries, we have a different truck as you are on sickhall today." W: "really? you don't need the truck...oh well...ok!"

OMG. Seriously.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

1020am: hand over my keys to the manager and leave my cell number. he offers me a ride

back. "no thanks i'll walk"

1036am: walking back... throughout the morning my body neglected to acknowledge the fact that i'm sick. it was great to be able to deal with the current situation without my stomach killing me. well. now thats over... time for the sickness. OUCH.

its even pretty stationary...so kind of them.

Thursday...maybe. Mission

Mornings typically start out with around the office and such... LTC Albanese is my part father figure, part guidance counselor and all gargoyle. He mentors and protects and of course has the joke and task for me more often than not... we chatted about your blog, he showed pics of his wife's trip to NY
and we discussed if the boss was in a good mood or not.

Since I have mission I always get things set up and ready for the trip. Hey you, this is me. Radio check, over. Driving isn't usually stressful, always interesting conversations going on in the background and passengers are always interested in their surroundings. Since I'm the only female driver i have to hold my own. The radion dispatcher is a French Sergeant.

he sends out the occasional joke but the heavy accent drowns out any possible comprehension.

ok I was caught off guard and do not feel this picture is a good representation of how cool I look...

so anyhow... my boss is the one and only boss with 2 females in his immediate staff... yes we are quite amazing and we are the talk of Afghanistan. Any time the MA and I are in the vehicle driving without him or other men he gives us the stern "make sure you look like men when you are driving together! I don't want people to know 2 women are in the vehicle alone together!". Everywhere he goes he has one or both of us with him. Lucky guy right :)

Once we reached our destination the Generals went off to their meeting and we went for coffee a reward we enjoy as frequently as possible, this is the best coffee in Afghanistan and the outdoor seating has a great view of the offices and street below. it was PERFECT weather! In addition to my required military gear I have added to my stash, 1) Nikon D90, 1) MacBookPro, 1) iPod touch and as many books, decks of cards, movies and pens as I can find. Coffee isn't always available and the long hours sitting around in a truck melt my brain.

since most meetings are at our location or this one we always run into people. This is Pierre the GERMAN! yeah. he's German and his name is Pierre. Poor guy.

not the most exciting day but its always good to get out on mission and out of the office.